A Bit of Real Life, Artists, New York, quickie, Surreal

The Day I Skipped Chipotle

Or, Me & Julia Stiles at Joe & the Juice

OK, so I made myself talk to this actress, as you guys are on me about not speaking to celebs I see in Soho (including Otto Sanchez from Oz & L&O, who’s also my coworker; Julianna Margulies jetting from Equinox gym, pale in all black; and Claire Danes laughing with a friend during one of December’s sunny & warm, near-apocalyptic afternoons).

I spent half my time sizing her up. She wasn’t wearing any makeup & was dressed like a commoner (i.e. me), so I took a few minutes maneuvering at different angles to place her unique face. I did this while simultaneously coveting her white wool, belted winter coat, standing out in the completely black-clad customers surrounding us. One ridiculously trying-to-be-seen chick sat cross-legged with her shoes off (!), staring intently at her MacBook Air through what seemed to be mandatory square-rimmed Warby Parkers.

I finally saw an opening after she ordered & asked goofily if she was going incognito that day. She said “No” immediately and bluntly (like she speaks in movies, pretty much) & quickly shot back at me, “Are you?” I stammered, “No, I’m always just—” I fumbled, gesturing vaguely toward my head & she offered, “Fabulous?” I said “Sure!” for lack of a humorous comeback. I was NOT prepared for actual conversation.

We squeezed closer and noted how busy, hipster-y, and crazy popular this spot was, and she asked what I’d ordered as she’d never been. We agreed the sandwiches, mostly avocado-based paninis, looked awesome.

After more semi-awkward small talk–picture a scene opening with two distant friends of friends suddenly reintroduced–a Juicer (tm) screamed my name like an angry parent. I retrieved a cup of what looked to be blood (I bought the healthiest thing they offered, which involved beets). I grimaced & asked her to wish me luck as I gingerly held my grotesque-looking $9 drink. She told me to enjoy it & have a great day.

Are y’all happy now?