A Bit of Real Life, Artists, Yale

Feeling Blue, Feeling Fine

davenport

Two phrases I never thought would be grouped together. Such is life.

I don’t talk about my college experience publicly much, but I graduated from Yale University in 1994 with a BA in English Literature. Part of it, I think, is the fear of sounding braggadocious, snobby. Well, of COURSE someone with my brilliance attended an Ivy League.

Not so much. I was laser-focused on Wesleyan when my mom scrounged up enough cash for the then-application fee of $50. I was set to attend Wes, Hampton, or NYU. I had a full scholarship to UMCP (!) but when I got that acceptance letter, my mommy ran to the window of our basement apartment in Fort Greene and yelled through the screen that I’d gotten in. Passerby chuckled and congratulated me, tucked away in complete mortification.

I skipped many Yale events, for various reasons: insecurity, lack of funds, exhaustion, family tangos (fine, family bonkers drama). And then the 20th reunion. I was SO close….but I was so grateful for posts & pictures. Social media gave me goosebumps. And damn if folks didn’t look the same!

My experience at college was mixed (Naples, anybody?). I’d spent four years in a place less than two hours from my home. Oh–shoutout to mom for braiding my hair on those weekend trips. Hair was hard, classes were hard, socializing was iffy at times. Is college a breeze for anyone, save prodigies (and you know who you are)? But I made it through, and what better accomplishment is that? Dean Jan Murray, wherever you are, know that your advice helped this teenager survive a landscape she often just pretended she knew. We graduated on the hottest day of the season, but y’all gave me that diploma, family took me to the shiny new Olive Garden, and I was set.

Finally, FINALLY, my two besties more or less put me in a headlock re: the Afro-American Cultural Center’s 45th Anniversary. And I felt ready. In 2014, 20 years later, I was wary, but mustered the guts to drag way too many clothes on Metro-North to connect with classmates I hadn’t realized I’d missed so desperately. Indeed, it was a coming home.

Old Campus: gorgeous. Davenport: took a dozen pics. Cage free eggs, vegan waffles, praline pecan french toast for brunch? And I didn’t see one student without a Mac. Oh OK, now I know where that $63K is going.

Spoken word, incredible music and dancing… Watching the leaves turn and smelling New England air again took me back immediately. I mean, Commons! And I mean Commons’ ice-cream station, specifically. The chandeliers were cool too. And I can’t go without mentioning speaker Jedidah Isler, PhD, our first African-American female astrophysicist. Mind you, I overslept and missed half my Spanish final senior year.

I could go on about the inspiring panels, my absolute pride in what my colleagues have accomplished, but at this point you get the picture. I’ve got incredible memories of sweaty Saturday night parties (dressed to impress in jeans, bodysuit & flannel shirt), BSAY meetings that bristled, and clustering downstairs to catch up & watch The Cosby Show and A Different World. I’m 42, I’m black and blue, and you can’t take that away from me.

bedstuychicksig

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6 thoughts on “Feeling Blue, Feeling Fine”

  1. Can I say “masterful writing”? The title instantly engaged me and caused me to wonder what you would share. But then the journey….*sigh I truly enjoyed the ride. I’m so glad your trip was so fulfilling!

    This piece truly resonates with my own college experience. I have yet to return to Wes since our graduation. Although I made some of my closest friendships during my years there, I was (and still am…lol) an odd duck, quirky and never felt I fit in. There were all these brilliant, driven, talented people around me, and I felt like a pretender. I gather I am anxious that it would still feel the same. There is also the memory factor (or the lack there of…lol). So much of my time there is no longer readily accessible in my brain. I would hate to see someone who has an expectation of recognition & in my mind, they never existed. Lol I hope one day to have a new Wes experience…without the angst of my late teens. :-)

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  2. I was just talking about this with another Yalie from the mid-90s today. While my college experience was quite different (I was too busy having fun and being in the moment to take stock about my sense of belonging), I’ve heard other folks express a sentiment similar to what you have so eloquently put into words. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us, Queen! And Boola Boola 4 Life!!!

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    1. Thank you, Aaron. Over the weekend I was surprised to hear many had similar experiences but acted the part. I think I’d go to college around age 20 next go round, when I could really dig in!

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